“Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. an alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out.” – Mitch Albom
Time only seems to matter when it’s running out. Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. It’s the thing that we think we have plenty of when we’re young, but then, one day something strange happens. We blink, and the next thing we know we are keenly aware of time’s constant passing. It becomes the thing we want most, but yet we waste what we have.
When I was young, I would see an hourglass that had run out of time and think “it just needs flipped over to start again.” That’s been the case for me most of my life until recently. Now, I look at an empty hourglass and think “what if my time is almost up? What if I die tomorrow, or what if someone I love dies tomorrow?” I’ve been asking myself if I’ve done what God put me on earth to do? Will he say to me “Well done my good and faithful servant?” Also, will the people I love truly know how much I love them?
This has been deeply on my mind as I have been wrestling with what is popularly known as a “midlife crisis” since my recent 42nd birthday. A midlife crisis is defined as a period of emotional turmoil and self-reflection that some middle-aged adults experience. It’s often characterized by a strong desire for change, questioning of identity, and feelings of anxiety or depression. This period typically occurs between the ages of 40 and 60, and it is often triggered by events that highlight a person’s aging and mortality. Even though I don’t struggle with identity or depression and anxiety these days, I am struggling with the tide of aging and the in-my-face realization that time is slipping away.
I have reached the middle of my life (Lord willing), and I am surrounded by loved ones that are both in the beginning of their lives (my kids) and those that are inching closer every day towards the finish line (my parents, in-laws). Time has become an unwanted fixation for me, and it has been consuming my everyday thoughts lately.
The woman that I see in the mirror each and every day is starting to look different than she did before. This is the first time I’ve started to notice her wrinkles and slightly sagging skin. My eyesight that has always been perfect have started to weaken. Movement doesn’t come as effortlessly as it once did. Things are changing at a rapid pace. A pace that I did not properly prepare myself for.
I’ve also been battling the ever-present tension between living optimally and “YOLO”. Every day I’m trying to eat optimally, exercise so that I can chase my future grand kids around, and make the best use of my time in order to try and make a difference in this world and the lives of others, while at the same time trying to be a mom, wife, household manager, daughter, sister, business owner, speaker, coach and friend. You know, trying to live a “balanced” life. This conflicts, though, with the fact that we only get one life. ONE. That is it. I want to travel and experience the world while I’m still in it. I want to “relax and chill” as the kids say or watch a movie or a sunset. I want to seize every opportunity that presents itself for love, joy, and happiness. I don’t always want to set boundaries and say “no” when necessary. Sometimes, I just want to go to concerts and smoke cigars with my Dad. It’s a constant war between long-term goals vs instant gratification, responsible choices vs reckless abandon, and mindfulness vs impulsiveness, saving money vs spending money, avoiding social media vs scrolling social media, etc. It’s also the constant noise we hear from podcasters, youtubers, influencers, authors, and “experts” telling us how best to live our lives like they know us.
Sunday night, I took my Dad to a concert as I am the textbook definition of a Daddy’s girl. Growing up, I fell in love with everything that he loved. I fell in love with sports (especially football), because he loves them. I fell in love with music, because he loves it. I started reading at night before bed, because he does it. I even developed a love of cigars, because he loves them. But best of all, I fell in love with people, because he loves people. He has always hugged strangers after he has transformed them into friends (and sometimes he hugs others just because). He especially loves young kids which is also what made him such a great coach. He loves making people feel seen, and so do I. The example of my parents, especially my Dad, and the experiences and personal traits God gifted me with are why I am on my path of coaching and speaking.
I had a thought that night, though, that has been pestering me ever since: “What if my time with my Dad is running out soon?” I was having this thought as I was watching him make friends with strangers and vibing to the music. One of the guys we were talking to said to me “It’s really cool that you still do cool stuff your Dad. I wish I would have done more with my Dad before he died.” That comment hit me right in my soul. My Dad is about to turn 70, and even though he’s in good health and God has so graciously allowed almost all my ancestors to live to ripe old ages, what if he doesn’t? I think my Dad knows how much I love and appreciate him, but does he know and feel it enough? How about my Mom, my in-laws, my sister, my kids, my beloved husband, and my best friends? Do they all know and feel how much I love and appreciate them? How can I let them know most effectively while simultaneously trying to do everything else and live my own life? Why is this so hard?
These feelings are so heavy and burdensome, but I’m not going to let them stop me and hold me captive, paralyzing me into idleness. I am 100% transitioning from thoughts into actions. If I only have one life that could end at anytime, then I am going to use what time I have left to figure out how it put it all together in the best way possible so that I end my life filled with fulfillment and zero regrets. As Tim McGraw said, I am going to live like I am dying…. because I am (and so aren’t you), and I am going to bring you all with me on the journey. Beginning August 1st, I am starting a series on my youtube channel that I have yet to really use (subscribe here: https://www.youtube.com/@AMapToHope ) called “The Midlife Crisis Chronicles: I’m in Crisis So You Don’t Have to Be.” My top objectives are as follows:
1) Inspire the younger generation to cultivate a life worth living now in order to avoid a midlife crisis later.
2) Help those in my generation to either avoid or navigate a midlife crisis.
3) Encourage those older than me that it’s not to late. It’s not too late to make amends, to find community, to heal, and enjoy what’s left of this life.
4) Compel unbelievers to find there faith. The afterlife is more than worth investigating, and you cannot wait. Death will come for you just as it will come for all of us. Just ask yourself this question: “If Christianity is false, then when Christians die nothing happens. They rot in the ground and that’s that. But if I am wrong and Christianity is true, then I am going to hell forever. Shouldn’t I really investigate this just to be sure?” Open your mind and heart to the idea that God and His son may just be real. You owe it to your future to earnestly look into it.
I hope you will go on this journey with me, and thank you for taking the time to read this post. I love you all and hope to catch you on youtube on Friday, August 1st!!! Until then, stay present, stay positive, and keep moving forward. See you soon!